Can you identify perpetual problems in your relationship?
Activity 1 - Common Perpetual Problems
- Differences in neatness and organisation. One person is neat and organised, the other is messy and disorganised.
- Differences in wanting time together Vs time apart and alone. One person wants more time alone than the other, who want more time together.
- Differences in optimal sexual frequency. One wants more sex than the other.
- Differences in preferred lovemaking and what each wants from the experience. For example, one sees intimacy as a precondition to making love, while the other sees lovemaking as the path to intimacy.
- Differences in handling finances. One person is much more financially conservative and perhaps a worrier, while the other wants to spend more freely.
- Differences with respect to extended family. One person wants more independence from family while the other wants more contact.
- Differences in how to approach household chores. For example, one person wants equal division of labour while the other does not.
- Differences in how to raise and discipline children.
- Differences in whether to have children or not.
- One person in more involved with the children than the other.
- One person is stricter that the other and one wants more gentleness.
- Differences in punctuality. One is habitually late and the other always likes to be on time.
- Differences in preferred activity. One person prefers active, physical recreation while the other is more passive and sedentary.
- Differences in needs for socialising with other people. One is more extroverted and gregarious than the other.
- Differences in preferred influence. One prefers to be more dominant in decision-making than the other.
- Differences in ambition and the importance of work. One person is more ambitions than the other.
- Differences with beliefs about religion. One values religion, the other does not.
- Differences with drug and alcohol use. One person is more tolerant of drugs and alcohol than the other.
- Differences in independence. One feels a greater need to be independent that the other.
- Differences in excitement. One feels a greater need to have life be exciting or adventurous than the other.
- Differences in values. There are major differences in what each value in life.
- Differences in morals.
- Differences in relationship fidelity. There are major differences in what it means to be sexually loyal to one another.
- Differences in … [you can identify your own here].
Activity 2 - Categories for Solvable Problems
Next is a list of categories that couples commonly disagree over. Look over the list and identify any potentially solvable problems you would like to discuss with your partner. It will probably be a small issue. It may also refer to a specific situation. It must have a concrete, tangible, easily defined solution.
For example: a conflict over Money & Finances - My partner wants to save scrimp and save all year for a long holiday at Christmas but I want to spend some of our savings on going out to dinner on weekends and take a shorter holiday over Christmas.
- Money and finances
- Diet and food
- In-laws and extended family
- Household chores
- Children (having / raising)
- Recreation and fun
- Issues of power and respect
- Career and family balance
- Handling stress
- Chronic illness or pain
- Alcohol, cigarettes and other drugs
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